Story Seeds: Just Add Water
by Balthanon
Summary: A bit of water from the springs of Jusenkyo should let the seeds of these stories sprout, though the results may be unpredictable... These are the beginnings and fragments of Ranma 1/2 stories that I have started, but will likely not be doing anything else with for awhile. Generally speaking, I intend to pursue these at some point though the time and order is still up in the air.
1. Bie Liao (Shampoo)

**Author's Note:**

This will be a repository of Ranma 1/2 story concepts that I enjoy enough to have started, but aren't going to be worked on actively for awhile. One shots and anything that I think I'm going to work on in the near future (or for which I have 2 or more chapters) will typically be published on their own. I do plan to pick up these stories eventually and move them out of here, they just aren't on the active docket for the time being.

* * *

 **Bie Liao**

 _Chapter 1: Goodbye Is Not Forever_

Shampoo stared at the girl before her, weapon raised for the killing blow against her adversary and her rage suddenly just drained away as if she were a vase and someone had smashed a hole in the bottom of it. Her heart clenched as she saw a vision of the boy who had defeated her superimposed over the red-haired vixen- a boy who though clumsy with words was still kind, who wouldn't abandon his friends, who had all of the traits she had admired in her prey as she tracked her through China and into Japan.

Eyes filling with tears, she fought back the sobs which threatened to escape from the hole where her heart had stood moments before. An equal, even a superior, her own age, someone who had put an end to the fear of disastrous failure and loneliness and he was just an illusion conjured up by someone that she was obligated to kill. As the tears started to leak down her cheeks, she choked out a farewell and then threw herself over the wall.

She intended to run, keep running until it stopped hurting and she could come back and do her duty or maybe keep running until she reached her great-grandmother and could release the tears where someone would care. Where someone might care, might tell her its okay and it didn't matter that she was cowardly and couldn't kill her opponent or force the fight to its conclusion even before she fell in love, that that love itself might be reason enough for her not to need to do this deed. That word in her thoughts was too much though and she stumbled as she landed on the other side of the fence surrounding the house and dojo.

Falling back against the wall, she stuffed her knuckles into her mouth as she let the tears out unheeded. Sobs were muffled, but she was sure that she would be discovered any moment and couldn't decide whether she welcomed or feared the inevitable. She knew her tears, her love, were silly- it was too soon and the words should be simple obligations for any Amazon at this point, but she had felt as if she knew the male Ranma for months after she had met him. She had sensed a bond, a familiarity about the boy that had soothed the fears that made a Kiss of Marriage almost more dreaded than a Kiss of Death amongst her peers.

A Kiss of Death, in many instances, was a death sentence for an Amazon, and Shampoo had certainly assumed as much when she set out after her prey. Courage was a byword amongst her people though and she had intended to face it with all due solemnity. She would try and avoid it, she would use stealth and surprise and any other weapon at her disposal to level the skill gap between herself and the red-headed vixen who had defeated her so easily. She had spent the maximum allowed two weeks training night and day to increase her skills, but when her grandmother had sent her off, there had been tears in her eyes. Cologne, who she had seen cry only twice before at the funerals of her mother and her uncle.

Despite that, death was, in many respects a known value. All warriors knew that they would face it in their time and they were prepared for it. The Kiss of Marriage was something else altogether. It was being bound to the needs and wishes of one who was more powerful than oneself. One who could force their wishes upon you and was likely more ruthless and cruel than the Amazon herself. You could train to defeat such or trick them, to bring a strong husband back to the tribe where your sisters could protect you from the worst of his cruelties or reward them in kind. But in all likelihood, much as with the Kiss of Death, if the skill gap was sufficient it would never happen. You would spend the rest of your life bound to a monster who could do as he wished with you because the law forbade your leaving.

With Ranma she had known that wouldn't happen somehow. Perhaps her heart had known the truth before she was told of it this night or perhaps it had just been the cute way he dithered and blushed upon receiving the Kiss, but she had felt immediately that she wouldn't need to fear her new husband. There had been such relief that she hadn't been defeated by one of the monsters described as horror stories around campfires by her friends that it had filled her heart. Perhaps not with love to start, but it had been a close cousin and had swiftly transformed as she continued to see evidence of a gentler strength, kindness to Akane despite her abuses, and even restraint around herself despite her attempts on his friends that made him an eminently worthwhile husband.

As her crying slowed, she buried her face against her knees, hugging them to herself and trying to bring up the will to stand again. She knew she couldn't kill Ranma, male or female. Perhaps she had convinced herself otherwise during the trip, but it wasn't simply a matter of skill. She didn't have it in her to kill someone that would rather be left with a bleeding wound than hurt her permanently. After the third time she had woken up to find herself stashed away someplace safe, she had known in her heart she couldn't finish this properly. It was why she had taken the cowards route out and asked her spouse to handle the matter for her.

The thought elicited a bitter laugh and stopped her tears momentarily. "No wonder she would not agree to it," Shampoo murmured to herself. The night had gone quickly enough that the irony of asking her husband to kill herself had been lost upon her till now.

"Shampoo sure was cute. You're probably sorry she's gone." Blinking away some of the tears, Shampoo turned her head slightly as her name caught her attention. While her Japanese was poor that sounded like the Akane girl. Her voice was raised, perhaps to make a point and Shampoo thought she had caught the gist of what she said.

Ranma's voice followed, in her female form, which made Shampoo's eyes well up again. "She was tryin' to kill me! Why would I be sorry?" Dashing the renewed tears away, she tried to follow the conversation, as it continued- that statement was clear enough, though her husband's rough speech was more difficult to interpret than Akane's.

"You sure looked happy when she was here!"

"There you go! You are so uncute!"

"So I'm not cute! Or I've got no class! Who cares if I'm violent, flat-chested, and twisted!"

"If I knew you'd be like this, I'dve left you with amnesia!" This elicited a brief giggle from Shampoo. Her husband or former husband was also funny. That was also a trait to be valued in a partner.

"I don't want to remember you anyway!"

"Oh really!?"

"Really!" A loud crack of metal on flesh followed and Shampoo missed whatever else might have been said entirely.

A sliding door slamming shut made Shampoo assume that the fight was over and she laughed softly to herself. There was still a trace of bitterness, but in some respects she was simply letting go. She usually prided herself on being a very upbeat and cheerful person and wallowing in grief like she had been doing for the past half hour wasn't like her.

At the least, the argument had told her something. She knew now that she hadn't had a chance against the Japanese girl who seemed to hold the heart of her love. Not through any strength Akane displayed. No. Shampoo had made fear for her life the first emotion that Ranma would feel anytime she saw her. Even if her laws didn't require that she kill Akane, she had already lost to the 'uncute' girl.

Standing, she wandered away from the dojo as the voices within resumed more even tones that were nothing more than indistinct noises to her. Overhearing the fight had put things in perspective for her, at least in some small respect. While she had been grief-stricken, her first thought had been to flee back to her great-grandmother, to at least allow her closure in knowing that the last of her kin was dead rather than simply vanishing. Perhaps she had been thinking of begging for leniency, though she hoped not.

She did have other choices though. She could refuse to believe Ranma, or profess it so. However, while she was crafty, Cologne would come to check up on her eventually. She would not be able to lie to her for long and certainly not without Ranma's help.

If she had been more judicious, she might have used the 110 shampoo on more than one target, or perhaps another altogether. She wished now that she had made her husband forget Akane instead. She had considered making girl Ranma forget herself in hopes that that might satisfy the Council back home, but had decided they would not approve. Her Kiss of Death for Ranma had been given in front of the whole village, not a few Japanese students who did not follow her own laws.

The thought did give her pause for a moment though. While she was nearly out of 110, she thought there was enough for one final use. What if she did target Ranma? Not to make her forget Shampoo entirely, but perhaps the attempts to kill her. It was a far more subtle change than she had ever attempted, but if it could work... perhaps she could still stay and even get her husband back.

Regardless of her actual gender, Ranma had definitely been attracted to her. She had seen it when the girl attempted to talk to her out in the yard as a boy and had even noticed that soft glimmer of arousal when she woke up beside her yesterday morning as a girl. For herself, well... it wasn't Ranma's looks that had formed the real basis of her feelings for him. Her. She sighed.

The idea was still appealing though. She had quite liked Ranma even when she was attempting to kill her. This might have had something to do with the fact that she wasn't trying to kill Shampoo in turn, but it was something at least. Going back home would have one of two results. She would be executed for failing to fulfill her Kiss of Death or would be punished and shipped right back here if for some reason the Kiss of Marriage was found to be valid.

If Ranma was at least a little willing to play the part of a boy, she thought the Kiss of Marriage being found valid might even be likely if a Council representative arrived.

"How Shampoo get Airen alone though?" she asked out loud in Japanese. Threats against Akane seemed to backfire, though she thought she would have far less problem going through with one against the annoying girl if she had the chance. Her spouse had asked that she not harm her though, so she wouldn't, at least for now.

Perhaps at night? She had snuck into Ranma's room and spent the night sleeping with him without his ever waking up. That seemed promising.

Keeping her presence muted, Shampoo slipped into the room that her husband slept in and stepped to the side to allow the moonlight to wash over the two men in the room. She wondered why he still chose to sleep in male form, but ignored it as inconsequential. The light revealed the transformed girl laying sprawled upon his back, his hair still braided into the pigtail that he had taken to wearing halfway through China.

Pursing her lips, the Amazon warrior tried to decide what to address first- the pigtail would have to go if she were to access all of the pressure points needed on the skull. However, with her spouse, yes, that was a better word for it, with her spouse on his back she wouldn't be able to do what she needed either. She thought turning him over was probably the more likely to wake the black-haired youth, so she decided to focus upon that first.

Kneeling beside him, she wondered briefly about how finely his senses were tuned. She had attempted this several times as the redhead and Panda fled across China and the girl had invariably woken before she was anywhere near this close. Well, that or knocked her unconscious before she even woke. Those had been particularly embarrassing defeats.

The night earlier in the week, it had been a simple matter to slip into Ranma's arms as he slept though and she thought, she hoped, that this would be the same. While she was perhaps taking something away from her spouse, it was nothing she thought the girl would miss and would hardly hurt her.

At the end of the next two minutes of cat and mouse with the sleeping boy though, she was almost panting and was frankly amazed that he hadn't woken up. His father had almost woken up several times, but she finally had boy-type Ranma sleeping on his chest more or less peacefully. Untying his braid, she readied her comb, shampoo, and a bucket of water then blinked. In the dim light of the moon and with her shadow obscuring that light even further, it almost looked like the dark hair was growing.

Shaking her head, she decided to ignore the odd illusion. She needed to get this done before the boy rolled over in his sleep again. Taking a deep breath, her hands flashed as she applied the last of her formula 110 to her spouse's scalp and began the precise and exacting massage necessary to obscure and hide memories. While she had turned it into a combat technique, albeit one that was only useful against opponents not truly her equal, it was originally developed to aid cases of trauma by removing or softening the memories involved.

For something as intricate as this, she needed the stillness that unconsciousness provided. Though it would have also helped to have better light. That damned optical illusion of growing locks was-

Eyes widening as she felt the soft mass of black hair brush her thighs, she realized that it wasn't an illusion. Her spouse's hair was truly growing! What could have caused- no, it didn't matter, she would just need to adapt, the next few moments were crucial and were likely to be very difficult if she had guessed the trigger for Ranma's change correctly based on last night's events.

Not to mention she was pretty sure that if nothing else did it, this would wake the transformed girl up.

Dashing the bucket of water over Ranma while she straddled him was an... odd experience. She had been hovering over the boy, attempting to avoid touching while still ready to seize him with her knees should he start to turn, so she was very close. When the water washed over her spouse's head, guided by the flashing comb and an empty hand to rinse away the formula 110 as she teased out patterns, the boy changed into a girl.

She had been half way expecting that to wash away the disguise and kept her hands and the blow dryer she had just retrieved aligned as the now red headed girl shrank to her more petite height, but the hips and buttocks expanding out slightly to press against her thighs and legs was startling. For a moment, she lost her concentration, however she pulled through and finished just as Ranma's hand came up to feel her scalp. Just after that, her spouse rolled her hips slightly, apparently becoming aware of the pressure from Shampoo sitting on her butt.

The violet tressed girl trembled for a moment, wanting to stay like this rather than face rejection again, then flowed gracefully to her feet. She had been willing to face death, she could stand being scolded by someone she had come to care about. Tucking away the incriminating evidence, she clasped her hands in front of herself and kept her eyes on the floor.

At best, Ranma should have no memories of her attacking her over the past several months at this point and if she was lucky, her memory would fill in the gaps where they had met with something innocuous. If she was unlucky, Ranma would recall only the moments when she had not been violent. If she was very unlucky, her spouse would not remember her and would forget she had existed any time she turned her back. If she was very, very unlucky she might have done irreparable damage to her memory with the brief slips in her concentration.

She didn't think she would have a second chance at this if she had screwed it up and needed to remove it. Even if she ordered additional 110 shampoo, her spouse would be on her guard. Not to mention...

"Shampoo?" The voice was soft, sleepy despite the dousing that Ranma had received. It didn't sound angry, in fact, if she didn't know better she thought it was... relieved? A finger touched Shampoo's chin and pushed up gently, until she was looking into the piercing blue eyes of the woman she was technically supposed to kill.

"Shampoo could not leave," she said, matching the soft tones of her spouse. "Want..." She trailed off, not sure what she really wanted out of this. She wanted the male Ranma that she had fallen so hard for. She wanted strong children and a happy life and... a companion that she could grow with and respect. She wanted... "Want second chance?"

Shampoo couldn't quite interpret the expression on Ranma's face as she stepped forward and the Amazon had to stop herself, from stepping back or moving forward she wasn't sure. "I do," Ranma whispered, then she stepped in and pulled Shampoo's lips down to her own. The kiss was hesitant, clumsy, but it stunned Shampoo nonetheless. When Ranma pulled away, all she could do was raise her fingers to her lips and stare at the redhead.

She had never...

"Ahh..." Ranma placed her hand behind her head, looking uncomfortable. "I know I kind of... ran, for a long time. From you. From this, I guess. You never really gave up though, no matter how far I went or where I hid." Ranma took a deep breath, then let it out. "I ain't really good at feelings... or friends for that matter, but I never wanted to hurt you.

"I know that doesn't excuse it, and there's Akane, and things are still..." She frowned and pulled a length of her now knee-length hair forward, playing with it nervously, though with no real sign that she thought it unusual. When she opened her mouth again, Shampoo stepped forward though and silenced her with a finger on the lips.

"Tomorrow?" she asked. She was desperately curious about what Ranma "remembered" that had led to a change this drastic, but couldn't let her continue on like that for something that had largely been her own fault. It made her a touch guilty. Not guilty enough to not be ecstatic with how well it had worked, but guilty enough to need a break for tonight.

Plus, she was horribly tired after staying up most of last night and she was only catching perhaps every other word in her exhausted state. It sounded sweet though and combined with the kiss, well, it was hard to believe her plan had worked to this extent.

She smiled coyly and let herself drop to her knees on Ranma's futon, then patted the bedding, which made her spouse's eyes widen. "Airen sleep? Shampoo sleep too? It is too too long day."

Her spouse nodded, but then confused Shampoo by turning away. Walking over to a chest, Ranma opened it to pull out a heavy blanket. She wrapped herself in that and laid down between her father and Shampoo, a smile crossing her lips at the Amazon's pout. Seemingly only a few moments later, she was asleep again. Shrugging and happy enough at how the night had turned out, the violet-tressed girl followed suit after doffing her pants.

Frowning, she reached down and pulled the string that Ranma had been using as a hair tie from beneath her thigh. Tossing it aside, she yawned and fell asleep herself.

Cold! Shampoo woke with a screech as she threw off the blanket she had pulled over her head. Jumping to her feet, she panted in shock as icy water dripped down her back, her hair plastered to her head.

Akane stared at the Amazon in disbelief for a moment, then scowled. "You! What are you doing back?"

"What you care?" Shampoo yelled back, incensed. She knew the answer to that question, but was justifiably angry about being woken up with a bucket of water. Besides, that had probably been intended for Ranma.

The aforementioned red-head finally sat up, blanket still wrapped around her shoulders. Yawning, she said, "Come on, Akane! Do you gotta be so loud this early in the morning?"

"Me? What is she doing back here?" Akane demanded. She stuck her finger out at Shampoo and the Amazon slapped it away. Ranma winced and grabbed her head as he looked at the purple-haired girl, her eyes squeezing shut. After a moment though, she shook her head and said, "She came back last night. Gave me a second chance."

Shampoo's eyes narrowed at the gesture and she glanced over at Akane. Did something she said prompt that?

"Gave you a... What?" Akane blinked, looking back and forth between the two other girls. "What are you talking about, you idiot? You said you were happy she was gone!"

The still sleep-tousled redhead winced. "I know, but... I hated hurting her like that, Akane. Nothing she's done justified that."

"She tried to kill you!" Akane threw up her hands in exasperation. "That is a perfect justification!"

"She what?" Ranma looked confused, though the words didn't seem to spark another of the episodes, so perhaps that had only been a brief relapse in the Xi Fa Xiang Gao's effectiveness. She sighed in relief. After the incident with Akane remembering, she had worried she had gotten a bad batch of the shampoo. "What are you talking about Akane? I may not a been... comfortable with it, but Shampoo's never done nothing but get a little too, uh, hands on."

Akane's eyes widened and she stared back and forth between Shampoo and Ranma. The former tried her best to look innocent, but assumed she had failed when the youngest Tendo's eyes narrowed. "What did you do to him?" Akane accompanied her question with a series of punches that the Amazon stepped around casually.

"Shampoo do nothing," she said, then she blocked the last attack Akane had leveled, grabbing her fist. Ranma's eyes squeezed shut again at this and she let out a pained hiss, distracting Shampoo and letting Akane's other hand land an open handed slap that threw the violet-haired girl to the ground. She shook her head, ears ringing. That girl was stronger than she looked.

More importantly though... She stood up, looking at Akane over Ranma, who had gotten between the two of them. Ranma was defending her she thought, but the slap had caught her ear and the ringing in her ears was making the already difficult task of interpreting Japanese almost impossible. The entirely too long hair that Ranma was casually ignoring appeared to have distracted his fiancee though.

She needed to confirm something she was afraid of though. Walking up to Akane, she watched Ranma carefully and gave the girl a literal slap on the wrist. The girl looked at her like she was insane, but Shampoo's attention was entirely on the clenched eyes and signs of pain that Ranma was demonstrating.

She sighed. She should have known this was too good to be true. Her not quite fairy tale romance would only last as long as she refrained from anything approaching violence in front of her spouse. Which meant no training with her partner, fighting their enemies together... or defending herself from her rival.

The latter she realized suddenly, was quite important, because Akane's eyes had narrowed in response to the signs of Ranma's distress and she seemed to realize what was going on at the same time the Amazon did. "You used your stupid shampoo on Ranma this time," she said, her voice entirely too calm and even for Shampoo's taste. "I'll get his memory back, just like he did for me though!"

Preparing to defend herself, Shampoo fell to the ground in shock when Akane instead rounded on Ranma and pointed. "Weirdo! Sex-changing deviant! Stupid! Pervert!"

Ranma stared at Akane, completely nonplussed. "Akane, even if Shampoo did do something like that, I still remember you just fine."

"Oh. Heh heh. Umm..." The short haired girl smiled apologetically. "Uh, sorry?"

"I'm afraid you've got it wrong, Akane." Shampoo felt a chill crawl up her spine and turned, seeing her father-in-law dressed up in the most ridiculous female disguise she had ever encountered. "I was watching the whole thing. And the trick this time will be to get the Amazon to display her true colors!"

He attacked with that and Shampoo was immediately on the defensive. Without the ability to block or throw out some type of offense, she was rapidly being overwhelmed though and was nearly on the verge of collapse when she was abruptly caught from behind. Blinking, she found herself abruptly clutching Ranma's neck and supported in her arms as the girl leaped out of the room through the window and bounded away from the Tendo household to the shouts of Akane and Genma.

Her spouse appeared to have no intention of stopping any time soon though, and Shampoo returned his grin with a weak smile of her own before her body decided that she was safe enough that it was time to rest again.

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 **Author's Note:** The ending on this chapter will need revised when I continue it, since it is a bit rushed. I like the concept though and have a few ideas for where I'll take it and how it will ultimately end.


	2. SMI(RK!)

**S.M.I.(R.K!)**

 _Prologue_

* * *

An eerie light illuminated the cavern, flickering shadows revealing the presence of five individuals...and two cats, can't forget the cats. At any rate, the five individuals were mostly in the process of being heroic. Mostly because a pair of them weren't really.

"USAGI! Give it back!"

Said young woman in a short, very short actually, blue skirt and a funny hair-do stuck her tongue out at the scantily clad girl in a red skirt and proceeded to blow a rasberry at her. "I'll have you know that this one is actually mine. So there!"

Fuming, Rei put her hands on her hips and glared at Sailor Moon. "It is not, I just bought it yesterday and I haven't even gotten a chance to read all of it!" She jumped at Usagi, unfortunately missing as the young girl slipped on a patch of ice, and ended up with a faceful of snow. "AAARGGHH! You did that on purpose!"

"I did not!" protested Usagi, the tears that had begun to leak from her eyes drying up instantly. "How could you say something like that!?"

"Easily. Klutz." Rei stuck her tongue out at Usagi, crossing her arms over her chest.

A sniffle from Usagi finally brought the rest of the girls into the matter, if reluctantly. Rei watched in disbelief as Minako and Makoto went over to Usagi, helping her to her feet while Ami walked over towards her. Hmmph, fine, let them take the brat's side. She watched Ami warily as she got closer, finally pausing to speak.

The Senshi of Mercury paused, searching for words, then finally said, "Rei, we're all under a lot of stress." She stopped as Rei snorted and glanced pointedly at Usagi. "Even Sailor Moon, but we have to do this. Otherwise Beryl is going to succeed...and _none_ of us will be able to read that comic."

"Oh all right. The little baby can have the comic if she wants it, it was a stupid story anyway." Rei sniffed pointedly and stalked towards the cavern's entrance, gazing out into the swirling white snow. The rest of the Senshi followed behind her, Sailor Moon bringing up the rear, her face buried in the book.

"Umm, Ami, do you happen to know how we're going to find Beryl...?" A particularly strong gust of wind filled the cavern with swirling snow, causing the Senshi as a whole to shiver.

The blue haired girl paused, tucking a lock of hair behind one ear as she tapped her tiara near her ear, a translucent blue visor sliding out over her eyes. "Well..." A couple of quick adjustments made lights dance across the tinted glass. "It should be over that way," Ami said as she pointed to the northwest. "That's where the greatest amount of power is emanating. I'll lead."

Rei shrugged, following as Sailor Mercury started walking, and slowly started drifting backwards past first Makoto, then Minako, finally arriving at Usagi.

"Psst. Hey! I want my comic," whispered Rei, a startled Usagi looking up as she was interupted.

Usagi frowned, then started to respond in her normal tone of voice before glancing up ahead and lowering it to a whisper like Rei had done. "Come on, Rei, pretty please, I'm just getting to the good part."

"No! Give it back," she whispered furiously, glaring daggers at Usagi, "this is a dumb time to be reading a comic anyway." A small commotion up ahead almost caught her attention, before Usagi responded, bringing her full attention back to the argument.

A wheedling note entered the Senshi of the Moon's voice as she answered, "but I always read on trips, and we're not even to Beryl yet, so this is a trip, not a battle. See?" Usagi walked along carefully, demonstrating her point.

Though not, Rei thought acidically, very effectively. Something tugged at Rei's senses again for a moment, but she refused to be distracted. "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I refuse to accept that as an argument."

Usagi started to look away, so she poked her in the chest as they continued walking. "I'll have you know that..." Someone tapped her on the shoulder. "I'm busy Ami," she said before returning to the argument, "umm, where was I? Oh, right, now I'll have..." Someone tapped her on the shoulder again and she finally turned around, spinning on her heels and yelling to let out some of the energy she was building up. "I _said_ I'm busy!"

The youma woman smiled dangerously. "Well, I guess you'll just have to put it on hold, won't you."

"No! I won't! Now go away!" Rei let loose with a massive burst of fire, explosions ringing across the landscape as the greenish woman was flung up into the air, bursting into flames and disintegrating a moment later. Sailor Mars turned back to Usagi. "Now where was I before I was interupted?"

"Umm, Rei, do you know where the others went?" Usagi asked as she turned around in a circle, ignoring Rei's question.

A quick glance around revealed nothing but the two of them and Rei's mouth dropped open. "Wha- Whe- Ho-" She turned back to her princess, mouth working randomly.

"Maybe they went on up ahead?" asked Sailor Moon, finally tucking the comic away...somewhere. "Though they probably would have said something..."

Rei nodded silently, then peered up ahead, shading her eyes with her hand. "I think there is something up there, now that you mention it." She pulled her hands to her sides, fists clenching. "We'd better hurry, don't want to miss the show, right?"

Usagi grinned at her. "Right, let's go!"

Dashing ahead with her friend and princess at her side, Rei quickly made out a red haired woman in the distance and redoubled her speed. Dark energy crackled through the air, the winds whipping themselves into a frenzy as they finally got within about speaking distance of the strange person.

"So, you have made it at last, Sailor Moon, you may have made it past my youma, but your friends at least have all been..." She stopped, blinking and staring at Rei. "You're not supposed to be here. You're supposed to be dead."

Sailor Mars looked down at herself. "Really? Cause I feel pretty alive, personally," she said sarcastically. "So who are you to be declar..." A scream ripped out of her throat as she was hit with a dark blast of energy, and she collapsed to the ground. Vaguely aware of the continuing dialogue between her princess and the person who finally identified herself as Beryl, she finally forced herself to her knees as Usagi, now fully in her guise as princess of the Moon, began her assault. She watched worriedly as the woman began to grow, Princess Serenity withering under the increased assault of dark energies that were far beyond Rei's abilities.

"DIE!"

"NEVER!"

"MY POWERS ARE AS FAR BEYOND YOURS AS THOSE OF A MAN TO A FLY, I AM METALLIA!"

Usagi slowly began to buckle and Rei rushed to her, catching and bracing her as she screamed, "Princess, do it! You can do it! We're all here for you!" And she did feel the others, wherever they were, slowly add their power to Usagi's, giving her the strength to slowly start pressing Metallia back.

Finally, Usagi stood firm, Rei's arms encircling her and giving her strength as she pushed her all into one last focused blast that ripped through Metallia, a dying scream crescendoing and finally drifting off as Sailor Senshi and Princess collapsed.

Rei smiled weakly, almost able to feel as her life drained away, trickling out into the crystal even after the battle was won. "Well, I guess we..." A racking cough interupted her. "...won't be finishing that comic."

Serenity laughed weakly, unable to stop the crystal and slowly closed her eyes as she slipped into unconsciousness with Rei. "It would...have been nice, though, to be them...just to have care free, fun..." An incandescent flare built within the crystal for a moment, then seemed to shimmer and turn inside out as both Usagi and Rei vanished, the crystal following shortly after.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

Usagi came to with a pounding headache, her breathing accelerated and an absolutely fabulous taste in her mouth. A few more moments gave the realization that she was standing on a log, and perhaps more amazingly, wasn't falling off that log.

Needless to say, that wouldn't last long at all.

Simple, wooden huts surrounded her, with mostly straw for their roofs and simple shutters. She saw one woman leaning out of a window, so apparently they had no glass. Moving closer to where she currently was standing, grass and huts gave way to a clearing of dirt, with this hanging log that she was standing on in the center.

Usagi's eyes widened when she finally got around to noticing the women surrounding her, and drawing in closer with frowns on their faces. Taking a step back, Usagi waved weakly, a sickly smile on her face that quickly turned to panic as the log moved slightly under her feet.

Windmilling her arms, Usagi swayed back and forth on the curved surface, stepping first back, then forward. Each step seemed to make the world rock a little more, until with a yelp she tumbled backwards, just barely grabbing the rough surface.

"HEEEELLP MEEE!" Usagi cried, then blinked, her tears drying up. "What's going on? Hey! This isn't my voice!"

"What do you mean it's not your voice," asked a voice off to the side, "It has... to... be your voice."

The moon princess looked up from her position at the speaker, a rather pretty girl with long, shimmering hair, a shade of violet she had never seen before. Her reddish-brown eyes were currently opened wide as she felt her throat with one hand, her mouth opening and closing silently.

"Hello? Are you going to help me? Please?" Usagi asked, afraid she had been forgotten by her rescuer. Or who she hoped was her rescuer.

The other girl finally nodded silently, getting on her knees and reaching down to grab Usagi's hand, which clenched almost convulsively as soon as it had something to grab onto. Unfortunately, all this did was make Usagi lose her grip on the other side, and with a yelp, both girls tumbled off the log.

"Owwwww..." Usagi rubbed her bottom covertly as she looked around for the other girl, spotting her a few feet away and scurrying over to her. "Are you ok?"

The girl nodded slightly. "Are you?"

Usagi smiled slightly. "I'm ok. My name is Usagi, what's yours?"

"Usagi!? You're lying," accused the girl, "you're not Usagi, you look nothing like her."

The displaced princess frowned. "I am too! How would you know anyway? I've never met you before." She briefly touched her own throat. "You're not...?"

"...Rei." She frowned. "What did you do to us, Usagi?

* * *

 **S.M.I.(R.K!) Sailor Moon Insertion (Ranma's Kaput!)**

* * *

 **Remainder of Chapter 1 (Summary):**

Usagi and Rei's discussion is interrupted by an amazon coming up to the pair and speaking to her in Chinese. When she asks (tentatively at first) what she means in Japanese, the amazon exclaims, "The Kiss of Death, you foolish girl!" The realization comes shortly after that that Shampoo has been possessed by something...and she thinks that Usagi is in on it too. At this point, Genma will break in and grab Usagi (who grabs Shampoo) and the trio run for it, leaving the guide in hot water. That ends that scene. (Probably need to make Cologne be busy elsewhere- I don't think they would be able to escape from an elder of her power.)

We come in later on Usagi, Rei, and Genma sitting around a campfire, Genma wailing about his son betraying him and Usagi trying to comfort him even though she doesn't know what he's talking about which just makes him bemoan his fate more. Eventually Usagi starts crying too which disgusts Rei who proceeds to inform them that she's going out looking for more wood. While she's out in the woods she stumbles upon an Amazon scout, who starts chasing her all the way back to the camp. As they're running through, Rei screaming for help, Genma finally snaps out of it and defends Rei, putting down the Amazon and then grabbing the two of them and taking off again.

The next scene is basically a long discussion between Genma and the two Senshi, trying to decide what to do. After a bit of conversation, Genma heats up a kettle and transforms Usagi. After feeling her chest and then tentatively between her legs, the dispossessed girl keels over in a dead faint. When she comes to, she's much like Genma was earlier, grabbing Rei and moaning about how they need to fix this, and whatever is she going to do. Genma says that he'll protect the two of them from the Amazons, but he expects to get his son back soon. Otherwise Usagi is just going to have to start training and fufill the agreement with the Tendos. Usagi pauses at this, thinking hard, then her eyes widen and she starts spouting denials. "Uh uh, no way! I'm not marrying a girl! Never, never, never!" "Oh, what a horrible evil woman, kidnapping my only son and destroying the honor of his very name, the horror!" Usagi and Genma go into a melodramatic competition, each trying to top the other until finally Rei pulls the sleeping bag over her head and tries to stuff up her ears.

We get a few scenes of them hiking through the wilderness, Usagi complaining and Genma berating her for being weak. Interspersed with these are several amazon attacks which Genma fends off and finally a scene at the village, with three shamed Amazons vowing to hunt Genma down and give him the Kiss of Marriage. Thus ends the first chapter of SMIRK.

 **The rest of the story**  
So, needless to say Usagi gets to be Ranma, Rei is Shampoo. I may insert the other scouts into this as well, but I haven't really decided upon who they would occupy. Usagi has only read up to the introduction of Shampoo (thus the reason they started there), so if she's aiming for the named females in the story I suspect the three Tendo sisters are also having some very bizarre conversations with Soun. (I am currently thinking of Ami as Akane, Minako as Nabiki, and Makoto as Kasumi.) Other alternatives are Kodachi and Azusa or upending the "new manga" mention and having Usagi be in the process of a re-read with each senshi taking a fiancee or love interest (Shampoo, Kodachi, Ukyou, and... maybe Kuno, which would not go over well.)

This is intended more as a parody or play on self insertion, so I don't imagine it would run too many chapters. Playing the events and misunderstandings in Ranma for laughs would probably give several chapters of fun though. I imagine the conclusion would be Usagi managing to figure out she has the Ginzuishu hidden inside of herself again with Cologne or Happosai's help and mustering up the will and ability to use it without her life being in danger. No doubt with a Ranma style training montage.

And then I could dump them into another manga with different rules. (This is arguably more a Sailor Moon fic than a Ranma one, but... ehh, don't want to create a new story seed group. :)


	3. Way of the Bow

**Way of the Bow**

 _Chapter 1: ?_

Ranma and his opponent stood, staring at each other warily, the wind ruffling the foreign prince's cape and billowing clothing. Truly, this would be the greatest test of Ranma's skills since his defeat of Saffron, Cologne thought. Prince Marip Aman IV was said to be descended from a dozen deities dedicated to war, ranging from Mars of the Roman Pantheon to Kikokpipitomi, the Goddess of War to a small African tribe located deep in the wilderness of that untamed continent.

"Face each other," called Nabiki, a microphone in her hand and a small sound system near her feet to broadcast to the large crowd. "Ok, this is an anything goes match, no holds barred, and the last one standing gets the lovely Akane Tendo, Ukyou Kuonji, Shampoo of the Joketsuzuko Amazons, _and_ as an added bonus because she herself insisted, Kodachi Kuno!"

Each of the lovely ladies mentioned glared at Ranma from the sidelines, heavy chain holding them still, though an ominous creaking suggested that the fight had better be finished quickly, or neither of the combatants would be claiming anyone. Though admittedly, Kodachi's expression was a bit formulaic and she beamed at Ranma after she was done glaring.

"Heh," Ranma snorted out, thumbing his nose briefly, then rolling his shoulders as he stood up straighter, gazing at his opponent with a look of confidence. "I've got this one in the bag. Ain't no way this guy's gonna win."

"We'll see, boy," Marip boasted. "None have ever managed to defeat me, and all save one fell without laying a finger on me." A flourish of his cape tossed it over one shoulder, and he too stood straighter, looking into Ranma's eyes with a smirk.

Nabiki rolled her eyes, then took up her microphone once again and called out, "There you have it folks, the fight of the century! Our own Ranma Saotome, Student of the Saotome Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, versus Prince Marip Aman IV of the Dozen Deities School." She took a step back, then signalled a lackey, a bright flood light illuminating each fighter a moment later. "Bow to your opponent!"

Each fighter carefully bowed, a gleam flashing through Ranma's eyes as they stood, springing back into ready stances, and Nabiki's voice rang out through the arena. "Fight!". The roar of the crowd swelled and each fiancee shouted something that was muffled by the gags they were wearing.

Ranma watched his opponent warily, then abruptly smirked, dropping out of the ready stance he had taken up. He walked over to his opponent and pushed upon the invincible prince's forehead with a single finger-Marip Aman IV falling backwards, stiff as a board, a moment later.

Silence fell over the crowd, so Ranma took it upon himself to raise his hands over his head, clasped in victory. The audience blinked. The fiancees blinked. Cologne fell off her staff...and blinked. Finally, Nabiki walked over to where the prince lay upon the ground, waving a hand in front of his face and getting no response whatsoever.

"Umm...the winner, apparently by knock out, Ranma Saotome," announced the mercenary Tendo sister. "So, Ranma, how did you do it?" She held out the microphone to Ranma, who took it with a smirk.

A few steps brought the pig-tailed martial artist to Marip's head, where he whipped off the puffy hat the prince was wearing. A dozen roundish maroon marks were already beginning to bruise upon his forehead, each about the size and shape of a slight pinkish discoloration in the exact center of Ranma's own forehead.

Nabiki expression grew flat as she processed the attack and calculated how it was done, then she shook her head. Her voice assumed the sardonic tone so familiar to those who dealt with her often as she quipped, "Well, I suppose the guy can still claim no one has laid a finger on him." She looked towards Ranma for a further explanation though, still holding out the microphone.

The arrogant youth grinned, then answered Nabiki's question loud enough for the entire audience to hear. "Pop left me a note saying to go study the Way of the Bow when I was about 10 or so while he did something stupid. You wouldn't believe how long it took to find a master who taught Anything-Goes Martial Arts Bowing." He blinked as the entire audience groaned, then, with a confused look, said "What? What did I say?"

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

So that's pretty much it. :) Pretty much just a little homonym confusion that wouldn't even exist in Japanese I imagine (though they have plenty of other opportunities) in response to an off hand comment on a mailing list a decade or more ago. I found it amusing at the time though. Only minor changes versus what I originally wrote: Kodachi pushing herself in to be a hostage, Nabiki's joke, and I made it a note that Genma left instead of telling him- this is a homograph, but not a homophone after all.

And for posterity's sake, this was the comment that set me to writing this:

"I can't name any off of the top of my head, unfortunately, but if you need just a random martial art... why not try one of these (Thanks to Al-Eyx for originaly posting this):

"*Juudou (Way of Gentleness)  
*Karatedou (Way of th Empty Hand)  
*Kendou (Way of the Sword)  
*Kyuudou (Way of the Bow -The weapon, not the gesture,  
even Ranma would be hard-pressed to find a martial art  
based on _that_ ^_^;)"


End file.
